Self-Love and Self-Forgiveness - Why it is so very important

Self-love is a journey that only you can take.  So here is  the thing – to love yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself.  Seems pretty simple right?  Truth is it is not.  

Self-love is often difficult to find when you doubt yourself or you’ve had bad experiences in the past that have left you with low self-esteem.  If you think about it we all have these little triggers – a bad relationship, abuse (any kind), too fat, too skinny, not smart enough, too smart, etc.  We all have something that triggers us to not love ourselves even if it is only temporary.  The key is to overcome and let go of the past and move forward.  To not allow things from your past to haunt you.  To forgive others who hurt you in any manner.  To love yourself more than anything else.  All of these things are quite personal but especially forgiveness.  Forgiveness is often misunderstood.  Forgiving someone who hurt you can feel like they won in some sense.  Honestly the truth is - forgiving allows you to win, not them.  

As a child I experienced one of the most horrific things a child could go through.  I had spent years feeling ashamed and guilty for something I had no control over - I was 9 years old.  I spent years in therapy which resulted in my burying things deeper than I realized.  When I got married I was constantly trying to please my husband and the toll it took on my self-esteem was seen by many others and it was his abuse (physical and verbal) that caused me to shrink inside myself.  When I finally found my voice I had no issues with letting him walk away.  I focused on my children and started to find myself again but it would be a few years before I totally let go of the anger, resentment, shame and guilt I felt deep down inside.  Shame and guilt can feel very similar—with both experiences we feel bad about ourselves.  But guilt can be understood as feeling disappointed in oneself for violating an important internal value or code of behavior.  Feeling guilty can be a healthy thing: it can open doors leading to positive behavior change.  With shame one can also feel a disappointment in one self but no value has been violated. It would be years before I learned to forgive for all I had suffered and truly let it go.   

  
So, you may be wondering how I finally did it - how I finally forgave all the pain and suffering that was inflicted upon me.  I actually was fortunate enough to have a friend that is a fantastic Hypnotherapist.  I worked through a session with her and was able to finally forgive those that had caused me so much pain.  I was a total mess emotionally for awhile but I did work through a lot!  I came to truly understand that forgiveness isn't about the other person - it's about me.  As I forgave the abuse I incurred during childhood, I felt lighter and felt free.  As I forgave the abuse of my ex-husband, I became lighter and felt free.  I spent a few weeks alone and isolated as much as I could because I wasn't ready to be asked questions.  I spent a lot of my alone time meditating and journaling and working through the forgiveness process.  

By forgiving the abuse I had endured I was able to let go - of my anger, of my shame, of my wanting them to be punished, of the idea that forgiving was condoning the actions that had harmed me, of the need for an apology.  One of my abusers died years ago but he hadn't truly passed on because he was seeking forgiveness.  Every so often he would come and ask me to forgive him and I would turn him away.  When I did my hypnosis session I was able to forgive him with the help of angels and the Divine.  I was allowed to understand what it felt like (really felt like) to forgive him.  I was allowed to feel free.  I will never forget what happened to me but that is not what forgiveness is about.  Forgiveness is about healing, it is for myself not for others, it is the greatest act of self-love I can perform.