Tina's Blog

There are no words to describe the grief you feel after loving a loved one - especially around the holidays.  Sometimes you just feel numb but it’s kind of more than that.  Sometimes you feel depressed but it’s more than that. It’s hard to describe really and it’s okay. It’s just the way things are now especially the first holiday season after the loss.   My mother loved the holidays more than any other time of the year. For her it was a time to be thankful and grateful for all the blessings in her life. She had a hard childhood and vowed that her kids would not so she always made sure we understood the holidays and what they meant to her.  Christmas was a big holiday for her - partly because of her Catholic upbringing and faith but also because it meant that she could watch us open gifts that she had saved up for. Each gift meant something different to us but even if it was just underwear we know that it came from a place of love.  I found myself torn this year...

We all have so many blessings in our lives. And yet most of the time we fail to notice them. We don't recognize them properly, forget them, or simply take them for granted.    We lose sight of them, and that's a critical mistake.    In reality, these little things have a huge impact on our lives. That's why we should learn to recognize their value. Appreciating the little things in life means that you focus your attention on what nurtures and sustains you in life. On everything that brings you even the smallest amount of pleasure.   It also means practicing gratitude by noticing these everyday things that you take for granted so easily.     By appreciating small things in life, you won't stop bad stuff from happening. But you'll learn how to stop emphasizing the meaning of bad events to your life.     Consequently, you'll find a valuable source of mental balance. Once you take a moment to appreciate an act of kindness coming from someone you ...

Learning to live without someone definitely has its challenges.  It can leave us depressed if the loss is due to death. This depression comes in waves that can feel crushing but through the depression comes a sense of peace.  It is hard to understand until you experience it.  I guess the best way to explain it is that you feel a calm blanket of love come over you while also feeling like you’re getting a bear hug from the one you lost and you just know they are okay. It brings tears of joy and a warm heart filled with love.  Each day I am reminded of the love my mother had for her husband, her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. It shines in the smiles and laughter when my grandson points to her picture and says “Great-gramma”.  It is in the memories of her colouring with him and playing hot wheels, in the memories of the time she held her great-granddaughter and fed her, in the silly pictures with my daughters from when they were little or even in t...

It has been awhile since I last posted but the past year has been a bit depressing for us all and I needed to feel it, live it, embrace it.  As I write this I am also filled with loss and grief that I am working through.  I lost my mother in January 22, 2021 after she battled Covid.  She fought to survive but the years of health issues were enough for Covid to win the fight.  I miss her dearly but I know she is still with us all.  I have picked up the phone a few times to call her and check in - I used to do that a lot.  Eventually I will get past that empty hollow feeling as it hits me again that she is gone.  I’ve spent a lot of time meditating and praying since the year started, mainly to find a path to peace for myself but also to keep my faith strong.  I have discovered a few things about grief that no one really tells you about and even if they did you wouldn’t believe them until you experience it yourself.  Grief is a struggle to deal ...