Social Distancing and Isolation: The fear, the worry, the anxiety

Social distancing and isolation can have a terrible affect on someone with anxiety and depression issues.  What is worse is when you are totally alone - no one to talk to, cuddle with.  You begin to feel an ache that no one else understands because well all your friends have families or loved ones with them in their isolation.  And to be honest, there is no way you can ever explain it to your friends in a way they would understand.  You see, sometimes people just assume that you are good with being alone because you have been for so long.  Truth is that I enjoy my alone time, I really do, but it has to be on my terms and when I want to go hang out with a friend I just call or text and pop over.  I can't do that right now and it is depressing.  Early in the shutdown one of my best friends stopped by to drop off homemade masks for me, my oldest and another friend.  It was nice to see her (albeit 6 feet away) but I could really have used a hug - I am a hugger, I admit it.  When she left it left a pain in my heart like I hadn't felt in a long time.   I felt rejected, cast out and almost reminded me of junior high and high school (I was a bit of a loner most of the time).  So I sat and let the feeling flow thru me and I meditated on it for a bit.  I know it was out of safety and precaution and not because I was rejected but the feelings I identified with that experience were nevertheless harsh.  That was the first time I cried during the virus isolation.  I texted my other friend and told her I was going to drop off a mask for her.  I wrote out her instructions for use/care and tucked them inside a Ziploc bag which I wiped down with a Clorox wipe and then headed over.  I  left it on the front porch and she stayed 6 feet away talking for a few minutes.  Again the isolation and loneliness and rejection feelings came up as I drove away.  I decided to drive for a bit to clear my head - it was the first time I had really been out of the house in 3 weeks.  I drove for about 30 minutes then went back home - the roads were lonely and it was a bit surreal.  My friend sent me a text asking if I was okay that night.  To be honest I was not okay, this sucks, I miss my friends, I miss the little socializing I did, I miss my kids and grandson, I miss being able to give someone a hug when they need it - heck when I need it.  A couple of weeks ago my sister-from-another-mother came by on her birthday.  She walked up to the door with a lot of plastic taped together and I was confused. She wrapped herself up and then gave me a huge hug - something we both had been missing.  It lightened my heartache and made me feel more normal.  It reminded me that isolation doesn’t have to be isolating.  Not everyone gets me like she does (that’s an understatement) but the truth is I get her too. We are both not crazy about distancing ourselves but we appreciate that we do for those around us that we care about.  

It is a crazy time right now.  The most common thing I hear is that people are feeling fear and anxiety about the pandemic.  Fear that they might get it and not survive and anxiousness that when they do go out for needed supplies or to work they might get it because they went out.  These are all valid concerns but I implore you not to remain there because it is not where you need to be mentally.  Instead find the little things that make life happy.  Perhaps it is a drive by birthday celebration or a neighborhood dance along or singing on the front porch for the neighbors to smile or even just doing a grocery run and dropping it off at your parents on the porch...  find something to make you smile.  It isn't always easy but you can find something.  I drove through my small town one day and purposely drove through some neighborhoods to see how things were going.  Many windows were decorated with hearts or rainbows, sidewalks were chalked up with pictures to brighten people up, families are playing games together in the yard - there are signs of happiness and hope everywhere.  It was a glimpse into what some are dealing with and how they are dealing with the current chaos.  But it is not that way for everyone.

My sister is a nurse, I have friends that are nurses and doctors and EMTs - they deal with a lot daily as it is but now they are dealing with even more than we realize.  Imagine having to be social distant from your children because you might take home the virus to them.  Imagine having to call the families of those in your nursing home and asking them if they should put their loved one on a respirator if they get the virus.  Imagine the mental health issues this raises for our healthcare workers now more than ever.  They may appear calm and composed but under the surface they are barely keeping it together.  Our healthcare workers are full of fear and anxiety, they are not sleeping, they are crying more - they need to be reminded that they have support in us.  They need to be reminded that we are here just to listen if need be.  And when it is okay they need to be hugged and hugged tightly.  These heroes are on the front line and fighting to keep people safe - sometimes without the personal protection equipment that they need.  They took the job to save lives but this virus hasn't allowed them to always be able to do that.  They took this job to keep their loved ones safe but now they are putting them at risk just as much as they are at risk.  It is hard to watch them go off to work knowing that they are fearful of what they might bring home.  So I pray for them all daily and pray hard for those I know closely.  I pray that they remain safe, that they remain healthy physically and mentally.  I ask that if you are reading this that you say a prayer too.

When the crisis is over and there is either a cure or a vaccine I pray we all remember to remain kind and compassionate.  We will need to remember to be safe but we will also need to remember that our friends may need a hug.