Not how I wanted 2021 to start...



It has been awhile since I last posted but the past year has been a bit depressing for us all and I needed to feel it, live it, embrace it.  As I write this I am also filled with loss and grief that I am working through.  I lost my mother in January 22, 2021 after she battled Covid.  She fought to survive but the years of health issues were enough for Covid to win the fight.  I miss her dearly but I know she is still with us all.  I have picked up the phone a few times to call her and check in - I used to do that a lot.  Eventually I will get past that empty hollow feeling as it hits me again that she is gone.  I’ve spent a lot of time meditating and praying since the year started, mainly to find a path to peace for myself but also to keep my faith strong.  I have discovered a few things about grief that no one really tells you about and even if they did you wouldn’t believe them until you experience it yourself. 

Grief is a struggle to deal with the pain.  You feel anger, you bargain, you feel depressed, you’re in denial, you find acceptance - yeah the five stages but they are different for everyone and they are awful to go through.  My mother was always there to support me, my siblings, our kids - she was always our number one supporter.   I’ve received so much love and support from family and friends that I can’t express how thankful - it is surreal.  



My mother had a smile for everyone. She made friends all over the world - literally - and she kept in touch with them which is rare in today’s times.  Her love of her kids and grandkids and even her great grandkids was so large that most didn’t know we live all over the country and not right next door.  She spoke her mind and didn’t hold back anything.  

“Never live with regrets.”  “People will remember you for who you truly are not for what you did for them. Always remember to be yourself.”  “Always be positive because that’s what makes you so special, my daughter.  Your attitude and blood-type match!”  Mom always pearls of wisdom and little reminders to make me smile even when I wasn’t in the best place mentally.  I have lots of memories and for that I (and my family) am so very thankful.  ❤️








 

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